Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss

Ok... it's been a while- things have been crazy, but I'm making an effort to start writing again. Today's inspiration: the new spin-off to Say Yes to the Dress (a guilty pleasure of mine). For those of you who don't know, it's a reality series that follows brides-to-be in their search for the perfect dress at a well known New York bridal shop, Kleinfeld's. As a general rule, I think they've done a very good job of showing these women's beauty and that women of all shapes and sizes have body image struggles and other struggles. Usually the mentality seems to be that everyone deserves to look and feel beautiful. So, when I heard there was a spin-off called "Big Bliss", focusing on plus-sized women, I was a little curious and a bit disappointed.

First of all, I thought the name was offensive, coupled with the fact that it is ridiculous that these women weren't featured on the regular show and that they felt the need to have them on a separate version. I was still hopeful, though, and thought maybe they would use it to show that these women are beautiful, despite what society often tries to tell us. But a few minutes in, and I heard this comment during their morning staff meeting: "just because she's not a perfect size 6 or a perfect size 8... this is her one day to look beautiful" - so, those sizes are "perfect" and others aren't? and if you're not those sizes you can ONLY look beautiful on that one day for your wedding? sorry, lady- but an expensive wedding dress isn't what makes you beautiful....

I am...

"I am strong. I am powerful. I can do anything."- Rose (Sunshine Cleaning)
"I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody!"- Junior (Cool Runnings)
I've always found this type of motivational statement to be intriguing. I've never been one to look in the mirror and repeat one, but lately I have been thinking about the general concept.
What do people see when they look at me?
I can't answer that... but I know what I see and I know how drastically that view has changed over the last few years.
Had I asked myself this question three years ago, I would have said:
An insecure, broken, hurting girl, insecure, unworthy of love, unbeautiful, damaged. Unwanted, discarded, abandoned, used, weak. Not good enough, never living up to expectations- a failure. A loser, a misfit, a mess.

I have grown so much over the last year... and recent events have really shown me how amazing the change has been. Am I perfect? No- nowhere near perfect. I am a work in progress, but the progress is there.

I am: strong, beautiful, emotional, loyal, honest, loving, lovable, thoughtful, unique, important, valuable, pretty, comfortable, inspired, content, motivated, intelligent, musical, social.

I know I still have work to do, but I know that I couldn't have gotten this far without my friends. Thank you- to those of you who have stood by me and supported me- and even to those who have hurt me. To the people I've grown up with, loved, dated, played WoW with, travelled with, gone to school with -you have all taught me so much, often without realizing it. Without all of you, I would not be who I am now. And to those of you who have stuck with me through the worst of it... you are true friends, and I look forward to many more good times in the future.

Gamer

I must admit, I was very disappointed in Gamer. I was intrigued by the concept- gamers controlling actual real life people in battles. Gerard Butler is awesome, and the action scenes were pretty much what I expected. I even enjoyed the basic storyline of Kabel being driven to succeed in order to return to his family. The movie definitely made some very good points about our society. It pointed out how sick we really are- and showed how easily we could resort to something like the Romans and their gladiators for entertainment. That much of the movie, I was ok with. The part that I found disturbing, was the other version of the game, in which people payed to control other players in ordinary life. The movie features people at their worst- lazy slobs, living their lives through controlling attractive people in virtual reality. These scenes consisted of mostly sexual images- half naked (or mostly naked) women performing erotic acts for the entertainment of the men controlling their characters. This was disturbing for several reasons- first of all, these were real people being controlled- forced into these acts with no choice in the matter. Second, because it objectified women- I went to see an action movie, and the pornographic element really bothered me. (Especially as a teacher- since one of the main characters was a 14? year old boy, who was viewing a lot of the sexual material.) However, the most repulsive thing about it, I realized, was how true it is of our society. If given the chance, I have no doubt that many people would actually take part in this type of thing. It says a lot about how women are treated and viewed- as sex objects who are there for the entertainment of others.
All that to say, the movie was not what I expected- It was a far darker commentary on society than I had expected, and was far less of a mindless action movie. I'm not sure how many people even realize the depth of the movie, or whether it was even intentional. If any of you have seen it- leave your thoughts in the comments, I'm interested to see how others viewed it.
Bottom line: not a movie I'd recommend, and not one I'd see again. I even contemplated leaving the theater at several points...

Lymelife

I had never heard of Lymelife before, and really had no idea what to expect. Turns out that it reminded me a lot of some of the books I've been reading lately- memoirs by Augusten Burroughs, who had a very dysfunctional family. Lymelife is a coming of age story, and while fairly typical in some ways, it was a bit more serious than most. In some ways it reminded me a bit of Garden State, though the romance in Lymelife was a bit less innocent. I tend to find myself drawn to stories about messed up families, possibly because I identify with them- or because the exaggerated drama in the movies make me feel like my life is slightly more normal. Either way, I thought it was a pretty good movie- worth watching if you like dramatic family stories. However, don't be fooled by the 'comedy' label- If you're looking for a silly, fun comedy, this is probably not your best bet.

The Secret Life of Bees

The Secret Life of Bees is the best movie I've seen in a long time. It deals with some really rough topics- abuse, racism and dysfunctional families. The cast is amazing- I adore Dakota Fanning, and I loved that there were strong female characters. The story was really powerful, and I found myself going from laughing to crying throughout the movie.
Bottom line- go watch it, if you haven't already. For those of you who know me/live nearby- I went out and bought it... so, come watch it with me sometime!

Graphic Tees: Who should be blamed?

We all know that there are some horribly offensive tshirts out there. If you don't believe me, check here for proof. Tshirts with sexually explicit phrases, generally targeted at teens (and sometimes even younger children) are becoming increasingly commonplace. The majority of them are degrading towards women. Who should be blamed for these?

• The designers: They came up with catchy phrases that they thought were appropriate for clothing, and knew that they could probably make money off of them. They had stores and target audiences in mind, and played on the rebellious nature of that age group. Young people like to wear clothing that is shocking, and what better way to shock people than to wear a tshirt with sexually explicit and offensive words?
• The stores: Stores that sell these types of shirts are supporting the designers, as well as the ideas presented on the clothing. They also target audiences, providing young people- often those who are too young to fully comprehend the meaning and consequences of their purchase- with a product that is marketed as something "cool", that will grant them status or approval.
• The models: Models, especially women (note the picture above) are allowing themselves to be used. The model in this picture is, in effect, telling us that she's ok with being raped if she's drunk. Now, I know that it's flattering to be chosen as a model and to have your picture in public advertisement- but is wearing a statement like that really the kind of public attention you want? Personally, I think I'd prefer to have the kind of attention you'd get from refusing to wear such an offensive shirt in a magazine, and for pointing out that it's not funny and rape is never OK.
• The purchasers: Those that purchase the clothing are supporting an industry that is making a profit off of offensive material. Even if someone purchases the shirt as a joke/gag gift for a friend rather than to be worn regularly, they are sending the message to the company that the merchandise is funny, entertaining and harmless.
• The users: The people who wear the product are not only fulfilling the same role as those that purchase it alone, but are also serving as advertisements for the company. They are propagating the messages on the clothing, and aiding in the desensitization of others, whether it is their intention or not. It sends the same message- that it's entertaining, acceptable and harmless.
• The rest of us: Even if we find it repulsive and don't support the companies by buying the products, we aren't making a difference unless we do something about it. I know there aren't many of you reading this yet.. but I plan on making a note of any clothing like this as I come across it in stores... Maybe I'll post it on here, along with the companies and contact information. The only way that this type of thing will stop is if people actually take the time to show that they don't find it amusing. I'm going to make a concerted effort to start taking the time to write to companies about things I find offensive and demeaning... I hope some of you will too.

Corrupting the youth- are we becoming desensitized?

Earlier today I came across this article about advertising an obviously adult movie in close proximity to stores for children. There are so many things that bother me about this. First, lets take a look at the ads themselves.

The pictures depict obvious violence- images that should be disturbing and repulsive, and yet- they are supposed to make you WANT to see this movie. Should we be concerned that our society finds such topics to be entertaining? When this type of violence happens in real life, as it does more often than we'd like to admit, it isn't entertaining. Its horrifying, depressing and just downright scary. No one would find it entertaining to be the victim portrayed here, or to know the victim. Why is this different in our entertainment? Why do we enjoy watching movies/tv shows where events occur that we would dread in real life?

In addition to the violent nature of the images, they are also sexual. To start off- the victim is an attractive woman. As in most horror movies, women are the helpless victims, usually targeted because of their appearance. In short, if you're attractive, there's a good chance some psycho wants you, and will be more than happy to harm you in the process of getting what he wants. Also, note the "sexy face" as I've heard it affectionately called. The "sexy face" is Megan Fox's specialty- the slightly parted lips which just exudes sexual implications. So, not only is this ad implying that women, especially attractive ones, are helpless victims- but it's almost implying that it's their own fault, or at the very least, that the attacker has good grounds for his actions. All this being said, the ads seem to make violence against women something sexy and appealing, rather than a horrific crime that should not be tolerated.
Would these ads have the same marketing affect if the picture was of a less attractive woman? Or of a man? Or even of someone who looked genuinely terrified rather than "sexy"?

Now, on to the placement of the ads... First of all, I really don't think graphically violent ads (especially the first picture) should be placed in public spaces. People should not have to be subjected to images that could easily be deemed offensive. Some of the ads were placed across from stores for children. Would a preview for this movie be played before a rated G children's movie at a theater? If not, then why would the images be appropriate in an area children frequent?
I am aware that this is an older movie, and the issue has actually been dealt with. The ads were protested and eventually removed. But this is not the only case of this type of incident. Next time you visit your local mall, take a look at the ads. Many of them are inappropriate for their placement- many of them are very sexual. Most of us walk by these ads constantly without giving them much thought. I challenge you to start thinking about what you see. Once you do, you might find it a disturbing reality. We are becoming desensitized- to violence, to sex, to racism, to sexism, and discrimination of all sorts.

As a teacher, I find this particularly disturbing. I've seen the effects of this in the classroom. Of course we can't blame ads for violence in schools. We can, however, recognize that by becoming desensitized to so many negative images and ideas, we are not preventing risky behaviors as much as we should be. I have had some elementary students tell me about movies and tv shows they watch that I might even find offensive. Shows like Family Guy and South Park that are meant for adult audiences, are now being viewed by second and third graders. In schools we expect students to adhere to standards of appropriate behavior such as not acting aggressively towards one another, not making inappropriate sexual remarks and not using offensive language. When they are getting a steady diet of entertainment that tells them these things are normal, acceptable and cool, how do we expect them to think any differently?
What do you think will happen when today's children are adults? How will these issues affect the future of our society?